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Things Teenagers Say: Volume 45

Today is the last official (non-weekend) day of Spring Break.  To celebrate the fact that I’ll be back at school soon, I’ve decided to issue another volume of Things Teenagers Say.

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Can we please sing the Backstreet Boys?  There are five of them.  There are five of us.  It’s destiny.

Student 1: I love Mulan.  She’s my favorite Disney princess.
Student 2: Off of Aladdin?
Student 1: That’s Jasmine, you uncultured swine!
Student 2: Do not call me a pig of which I farm.

Student: I’m going to snapchat the teacher across the hall a picture of himself.
Me: That’s not at all creepy.

Student 1: Is there a cactus in the ocean?
Student 2: Uhhhh no.
Student 1: Then what’s that “c” thing in the ocean?
Student 2: Coral.
Student 1: Oh.

This was soon followed by…

I killed a cactus once.  It’s name was Billy.

Apparently the last thing I copied and pasted was “Don’t wash your pants.  You have my chapstick.”

I am not multi-tasking. I am multi-talented.

Student 1: I figured out what I’m doing with my life.  I’m going to be an Oklahoma Highway Patrol.
Student 2: If I pop all of your blackheads for free, does that mean you can never pull me over?

Student 1: Why is it making me put in a number?
Student 2: Because it’s a calculator!

Did you know that you are born naked?

Student 1: If today is the 28th, how is tomorrow the 1st?
Student 2: It’s February.
Student 1: How does that change things?
Student 2: February only has 28 days.
Student 1: Oh.  I knew that.

Student: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?
Me: Good news.
Student: Well, I’m here, and I’m ready to learn.
Me: Then, what’s the bad news?
Student: I don’t have a pencil.

Want to trade your phone for a cough drop?

Me: Who is absent today?
Student: I’m absent.
Me: Okay.  I’ll mark you absent.
Student: Don’t actually mark me absent.
Me: I know that you’re here.  It would be hard for someone to miss your presence.
Student: I don’t have presents.  I have gifts.

I know people who can fade black hair really good.  Not black people hair.  Black hair.

Mrs. Carter is going to go from famous math teacher to body building success.

Mrs. Carter, has anyone ever told you that you are such a quintic trinomial?

Eyebrows are sisters, not twins.  Sometimes if you mess up, they don’t even look like they are related.

Me: Who’s playing with a slinky?
Student: Who’s not playing with a slinky?
Rest of Class: *raises hands*

I had a dream about your class the other day.  It was TERRIFYING.

Student 1: Hey, I was going to charge my phone right there.
Student 2: You can still charge your phone right by mine.
Student 1: Actually, I can’t.  My phone would scare your phone.  It’s an iphone.

Hey, I read your things teenagers say on your blog.  I make up at least half of those posts!

The headband’s going down.  I mean business!

While doing a science demonstration…

It’s magic.  You’re a witch!  (And, then he proceeded to literally run out of the classroom)

I was about to talk to one of my friends in an Australian accent.  But, then I looked over and your husband was sitting right there.  So I decided I better not do it.  But, one of my friends can only understand me if I talk in an Australian accent.

Student: Your husband’s accent makes him scary.
Me: He is not scary.
Student: Of course you would say that.  He’s your husband.

Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say