Things Teenagers Say: Volume 45

Today is the last official (non-weekend) day of Spring Break. To celebrate the fact that I’ll be back at school soon, I’ve decided to issue another volume of Things Teenagers Say.

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Can we please sing the Backstreet Boys? There are five of them. There are five of us. It’s destiny.

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Student 1: I love Mulan. She’s my favorite Disney princess.
Student 2: Off of Aladdin?
Student 1: That’s Jasmine, you uncultured swine!
Student 2: Do not call me a pig of which I farm.

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Student: I’m going to snapchat the teacher across the hall a picture of himself.
Me: That’s not at all creepy.

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Student 1: Is there a cactus in the ocean?
Student 2: Uhhhh no.
Student 1: Then what’s that “c” thing in the ocean?
Student 2: Coral.
Student 1: Oh.

This was soon followed by…

I killed a cactus once. It’s name was Billy.

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Apparently the last thing I copied and pasted was “Don’t wash your pants. You have my chapstick.”

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I am not multi-tasking. I am multi-talented.

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Student 1: I figured out what I’m doing with my life. I’m going to be an Oklahoma Highway Patrol.
Student 2: If I pop all of your blackheads for free, does that mean you can never pull me over?

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Student 1: Why is it making me put in a number?
Student 2: Because it’s a calculator!

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Did you know that you are born naked?

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Student 1: If today is the 28th, how is tomorrow the 1st?
Student 2: It’s February.
Student 1: How does that change things?
Student 2: February only has 28 days.
Student 1: Oh. I knew that.

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Student: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?
Me: Good news.
Student: Well, I’m here, and I’m ready to learn.
Me: Then, what’s the bad news?
Student: I don’t have a pencil.

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Want to trade your phone for a cough drop?

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Me: Who is absent today?
Student: I’m absent.
Me: Okay. I’ll mark you absent.
Student: Don’t actually mark me absent.
Me: I know that you’re here. It would be hard for someone to miss your presence.
Student: I don’t have presents. I have gifts.

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I know people who can fade black hair really good. Not black people hair. Black hair.

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Mrs. Carter is going to go from famous math teacher to body building success.

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Mrs. Carter, has anyone ever told you that you are such a quintic trinomial?

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Eyebrows are sisters, not twins. Sometimes if you mess up, they don’t even look like they are related.

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Me: Who’s playing with a slinky?
Student: Who’s not playing with a slinky?
Rest of Class: *raises hands*

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I had a dream about your class the other day. It was TERRIFYING.

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Student 1: Hey, I was going to charge my phone right there.
Student 2: You can still charge your phone right by mine.
Student 1: Actually, I can’t. My phone would scare your phone. It’s an iphone.

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Hey, I read your things teenagers say on your blog. I make up at least half of those posts!

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The headband’s going down. I mean business!

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While doing a science demonstration…

It’s magic. You’re a witch! (And, then he proceeded to literally run out of the classroom)

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I was about to talk to one of my friends in an Australian accent. But, then I looked over and your husband was sitting right there. So I decided I better not do it. But, one of my friends can only understand me if I talk in an Australian accent.

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Student: Your husband’s accent makes him scary.
Me: He is not scary.
Student: Of course you would say that. He’s your husband.

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Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say