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Things Teenagers Say: Volume 61

It’s been way too long since I put together the last volume of Things Teenagers Say, so I thought I would remedy that issue. This is my regular round-up of the crazy and memorable things I hear my students say in class. 

Things Teenagers Say

Things Teenagers Say

Me: Hyperbola is such a fun word to say. Hyperbola, hyperbola, hyperbola.
Student: I like saying asymptote. I feel like I’m getting away with something.

Student 1: You are so funny. Where did you get your sense of humor from?
Student 2: Junie B Jones.

Watch out. This one is a negative slope. It’s going downhill like my life.

My phone is more modern than your stone age phone.

Can you get in trouble for skipping a class if it’s a sports class? We’re running and I don’t want to.

I am not taking cough medicine. I am NOT letting my dad win that battle.

I feel sooo tall today.

My life isn’t sad. I just hate Valentine’s Day.

Party in my backyard. We’re burying my computer.

Student 1: How am I done before you?
Student 2: Because I was looking at memes.

You’re literally built like a block of cream cheese.

What did you do today? Go to school? Me too.

You wore sweatpants to a job interview?

Student 1: What was that sound on the roof?
Student 2: Thanos.
Me: It wasn’t Thanos. It was Santa.
Student 3: I don’t believe in Santa, but I believe in Thanos.

Student 1: Wait. Do you have a purse inside of a purse?
Student 2: No, this is my wallet!
Student 3: Are you just now beginning to understand women?

That joke died like two days ago.

This is supposed to be cosine. What in the ravioli is this?

I can’t write on this paper. It has to be straight from the tree.

One student to another: You look like a mom who just got back from yoga. That’s a compliment, too.

Why are you so against croutons?

I only eat Bueno for the salsa.

I’m not taking a gap year. I’m taking a gap life.

I never knew you had a stepmom. When did you have her?

I paid for that whole speedometer. I’m going to use that whole speedometer.

Do you have hair on your toes?

Student 1: You go to Planet Fitness? I go to Planet Fitness!
Student 2: I’ve been going there for five days and I haven’t seen you. Are you sure?

It’s been over 24 hours since I last had a Belgian waffle.

Student 1: Can I say that you are terrible at flirting?
Student 2: That was just me saying hi.

Student 1: People that unfriend other people are fake friends.
Student 2: But I resubmitted my friend request in person.

It’s okay. Starburst wrappers are edible.

Do fish get thirsty?

Student who came in my room during lunch: Are you listening to an audiobook sped up? That makes you a terrible human.

I would have so many college offers if my twitter wasn’t private.

Student: Is the test timed?
Me: Yes. 5 minutes.
Student: 5 minutes?!? That’s going to be the fastest F I’ve ever made.

Want to read more things teenagers say? Check out previous volumes here