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Things Teenagers Say: Volume 47

Join me today for Volume 47 of Things Teenagers Say. This is my regular round-up of the crazy and memorable things I hear my students say in class. 

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Things Teenagers Say

Student 1: I haven’t had data in two months.
Student 2: I haven’t had data in two years.
Student 1: I would kill myself.

Student 1: If I weighed 900 pounds, I would be really good at football.
Student 2: You wouldn’t be able to run if you weighed 900 pounds.
Student 1: You don’t have to run in football!

Things said while students were playing Slapzi.  

You can roll an astronaut down a hill, but you don’t see people doing it!

Goldfish are NOT sold in hardware stores.

Student: I’m giving up on school.
Me: Why?
Student: This waking up thing is just too much.

He’s a good singer but for the wrong band.

Student: My mom is crazy.
Me: Two Nice Things.
Student:  She has a nice daughter, and I like the color of her bedspread.

Note: Two Nice Things is probably the rule I enforce the most in my classroom.  If students say something mean about someone else, they have to make amends by saying two nice things in return. 

It’s like me and armpits.  They freak me out.  I HATE armpits.

You just spit all over my paper.  You are going to switch papers with me now.  I just have to take my name off of it.

A stick can’t swim, so it ain’t a fish.

Student 1: Ewww…there’s an open cough drop in my bag that got wet.
Student 2: Give it to me.  I want it!

Hey Mrs. Carter!  Have you ever seen a sicker pair of crocs?

Don’t judge my split ends.

Ready, Set, H2O!

If it rains at 2:00 p.m. I am getting away from you.  You are cursed!

Some kid in my food prep class yesterday asked me the ingredients to a scrambled egg.

Now, don’t let your Angle Side Side show.

I had a toupee before I got my hair cut.

Student 1: *Sneeze*
Student 2: God Bless You.
Student 1: God doesn’t bless demons.

If you drop out of high school when you’re 18, your family will most likely shun you.

I’m playing Connect Four because my life is sad.

Why would you use a lighter to light a match?

Student 1: It’s hotter than that place.
Student 2: Hell?
Student 1: No, heaven.
Student 2: Heaven?
Student 1: I said it’s hotter than that place.

Student 1:What’s Easter?
Student 2: Really?
Student 1: Oh.  It’s that holiday where you sit around the tree and trade presents.
Student 2: That’s Christmas.
Student 1: I thought Christmas was when you went door to door and asked for candy.

Student 1: How far do negative numbers go?
Student 2: Probably as far as positive numbers go.
Student 1: How far do they go?

Can you get liposuction on your finger?  Because my finger is so fat.

Want to read more things teenagers say? Check out previous volumes here

Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say

MMQC

Friday 7th of April 2017

Hi, I've been a follower of your's for several months and I was wondering how you keep a record of things teens say. I feel I have communication problems w my students but if I could bring it to light, it would help with class culture. Thanks in advance!

Sarah Carter (@mathequalslove)

Tuesday 18th of April 2017

I normally scribble things on post-it notes and type them up when I have a chance. If I don't write it down RIGHT AWAY, I forget!

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