You realize that Santa Claus is just your dad’s mom, right?
If the Big Bad Wolf came around Drumright, the whole town would fall down.
Ms. Hagan, you are cuter than a box of baby ducks.
Student 1: Did you play a sport last year?
Student 2: I don’t mean to brag, but I was the starting quarterback on the ineligible list last year.
Student: Ms. Hagan, would you ever consider marrying a guy to help him get in the country?
Me: Where did that come from?!?
Student: Oh, I saw it in a movie once, and you just seem like the type of person who would do that.
Me: Let’s get back to the lesson now…
Student: I have to redo my interactive notebook.
Me: Why? Student: I accidentally dropped my notebook in bleach.
Me: How do you accidentally drop your notebook in bleach?
Student: Well, I was cleaning my bathtub and studying my notebook at the same time. And, I kinda dropped it in the bleach.
Student reading a laffy taffy joke: What store are dogs afraid of?
Me: I don’t know. What store are dogs afraid of?
Student: The flea market.
Me: Ummm…that’s not actually a type of store. And yes, I realize I’m making fun of a laffy taffy joke.
Student: Ms. Hagan, have you heard your own jokes?
Me: I don’t have any pets.
Student: We know, but you do have plants. Do you know that’s what my mom refers to you as? Ever since my sister had your class, my mom has called you “The Plant Lady.”
It looks like a unicorn threw up in my bag.
Me: What are you doing?
Student: I’m licking this aloe vera leaf. I wanted to know what it tasted like.
While playing the Zombie game…
Ms. Hagan, I gave the board lots of kisses.
You do realize that I’m a sophomore, right? I’m going to put your head in the toilet.
I like torturing my animals, but I don’t like killing them.
Me: Class, does anybody have a good thing to share?
Student: I don’t have ebola.
Ms. Hagan, you won’t agree to marry me, so you have no reason for life.
Me: Open your notebooks to page 41. Por favor.
Student: Why are you calling me poor?
You don’t have to be a doctor to tell someone what color of hair they have.
One Student to Another: Why are you dressed so decent? You’re not at a wedding. And, nobody died.
Ms. Hagan, you sound like a different person on the phone.
While working on a challenging problem…
Me: What’s the first thing one should do if they’re stuck?
Student: Call a tow truck.
I think Ms. Hagan is the type of person who if she ran over a cat would call her mom to tell her what a terrible person she must be. Then, she would need to go to counseling and take medication for the rest of her life.
Did you hit on [another student]’s mom when you were at his house?
Do you know what makes me so happy? Every time someone buys something made out of snakeskin, a snake dies!
We do not rise by lifting others. We rise by burning villages.
Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 61
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 60
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 59
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 58
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 57
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 56
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 55
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 54
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 53
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 52
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 51
- Things Teenagers Say: Volume 50