Things Teenagers Say: Volume 16

My students continue to spout off the most random statements in class.  For your benefit and enjoyment, I record them here on a regular basis.

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Me: Class, does anybody have a good thing to share today?
Student: I caught a fish this weekend that didn’t have a dorsal fin.

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Student 1: Ms. Hagan, what’s your good thing?
Me: Well, I got a letter in the mail saying I got accepted to grad school.
Student 2: You’re not leaving are you?
Me: No, I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.
Student 2: The last teacher who said she wasn’t leaving us got knocked up and moved.
Student 3: I’m pretty sure it’s not called getting knocked up if you and your husband decide to have a baby.

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You better bump up my grade or it’s about to get real in here.

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Me: On the top of your folder, write last name comma first name.
Student: Isn’t it going to be confusing that everyone’s folder says the same thing?

This student literally wrote “Last Name, First Name” on his manila folder…

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Guys!  Look at Ms. Hagan.  She looks like a serial killer right now.  It’s okay, though.

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Student: I swallowed a fluffy thing and it got stuck in my throat and it got infected.  But, I went to the
doctor, and they gave me an inhaler.  So, I’m going to be okay.
Me: You swallowed a what?
Student: A fluffy thing.
Me: What’s a fluffy thing?
Student: Do you know what those little fluffy things are inside pillows?  I swallowed one of those.

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My sister ran over a coyote with her car.  Did you know you can get $50 if you kill a coyote?

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A few months ago, my grandmother’s aunt died.  And, they cremated her. Well, this weekend we had a ceremony for her.  I thought that was weird because ceremonies are only supposed to be for weddings.  But, they put her ashes in a jar, and we buried the ashes.

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I have two cats.  One cat is an obese cat.  The other cat is a skinny cat.  And, the obese cat is scared of the skinny cat.

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I can’t do my homework at home.  My cat is obsessed with me.

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Ms. Hagan, are you EVER going to be absent?

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Ms. Hagan, I know how you could meet a guy.  You could go to Stillwater to OSU where the
grad students are.  Then, you should stand outside the building looking really lost.  When somebody asks what you are looking for, you can say “I’m looking for you.”

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Me: What did Thomas Edison invent?
<Blank Stares>
Me: Come on, guys.  What did Thomas Edison invent?
Student 1: Oh, isn’t he the guy that who discovered electricity?
Student 2: No, that was Ben Franklin.
Student 3: I thought Albert Einstein invented electricity.
Student 4: Just because Albert Einstein looks like he got electrocuted, it doesn’t mean he invented electricity.
Student 2: Albert Einstein is the one who invented math.

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In another class the same day:
Student 1: Albert Einstein is the guy who invented math.
Student 2: I bet he has a lot of haters, then.
Me: Albert Einstein didn’t invent math.
Student 1: Then, what did he do?
Student 3: Albert Einstein worked on the atomic bomb.
Student 1: Oh.  We’ve never had a nuclear bomb before, though.  Isn’t it true
that if there was a nuclear bomb, it would start World War III?
Student 3: Have you ever heard of Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
Student 1: Yes.  But, those were just regular bombs.  If they were nuclear bombs, I would know it.
Student 3: They were called atomic bombs for a reason.
Student 1: Yeah, ATOMIC bombs.  Not nuclear bombs.  We’ve never had a nuclear bomb before.

Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say

• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 61
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 60
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 59
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 58
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 57
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 56
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 55
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 54
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 53
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 52
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 51
• 
  Things Teenagers Say: Volume 50