Things Teenagers Say: Volume 19

The awkwardness level in my classroom can reach epic proportions some days. I think this post is proof of that.

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Student: How old are you?
Me: Almost 25. Why?
Student: Does this mean you can’t be my bae? And, I’m almost 18. It’ll be legal soon.
Me: I’m your teacher. I will never under any circumstances be your “bae.”
Student: But, I need a Ms. Hagan in my life. I mean you’re smart. If we were together, I could work, and then I could come home and you could answer my questions. Like, what are taxes? I need someone just like you in my life. Except you’re a vegetarian. And, I’d want to come home to a steak sometimes. I’d come home from work and ask
what was for dinner. And, you’d be like “Salad, honey.”
Me: This is officially the weirdest conversation I have ever had with a student. Thanks.
Student: Now, imagine you were a high school version of Ms. Hagan. You know you’d be interested in me! You would. Wouldn’t you?
Me: Ummmm….I’m going to go back to grading papers. And, you’re going to go back to working on your homework assignment. And, we’re going to pretend that this conversation never happened. Okay?

#mostawkwardconvoever

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Me: What is the only number which is spelled in alphabetical order?
Student: Pi
Me: Pi is not spelled in alphabetical order.
Student: Yes it is! Oh wait. I forgot. Pi would be in alphabetical order if it wasn’t for the e.

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Can we name your aloe vera plant undefined? Some of its leaves are vertical.

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Student: Oh, do you mean that one A-Town that’s down by Antarctica?
Me: Australia?
Student: Yeah. That’s what it’s called.

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You can give us homework AFTER football season.

#NiceTry

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While writing down something a student said for a future Things Teenagers Say post…

I know what that means. You’re going to put that on your computer thingy.

I guess the word blog isn’t in their vocabulary???

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Homework gives you eye cancer.

Oh really?

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You’re an algebra teacher who doesn’t eat meat. You have nothing to live for.

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Ms. Hagan wants to cut off our heads and put them on stakes in her front yard.

Where did that come from?

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Stop it! You are possessing the lights.

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I’d set you up with my uncle, but he’s in jail.

#NoWords

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Student: There are two states that he cannot pronounce.
Me: And, what two states are those?
Student: New Zealand and Tennessee
Me: Ummmmmm…one of those is a state. The other one is a country.

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Me: What do you call it if the fraction has been flipped?
Student: Abuse.

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Student: Ms. Hagan, you made my brain hurt today.
Me: Good! That means I’m doing my job!

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Me: What would we multiply the numerator and denominator by to get rid of the radical in the denominator?
Student: Freedom. We would multiply by freedom.

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Somebody spit their gum out on my desk, and I don’t want to get ebola.

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Ms. Hagan, maybe you should work at Lambert’s so you can learn some throwing skills.

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Student: Ms. Hagan, what was your good thing this weekend?
Me: Well, I went to Oklahoma City on Saturday. And, I got to spend all day doing math; it was fabulous!
Student: Have you ever thought of maybe getting a husband? Or children?

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Can we take a field trip to a slaughterhouse?

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Normal sharks are the size of a school bus.

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What would you do if someone put a raw pork chop on your windshield?

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Me: *Rings Bell*
Entire Class In Unison: You should not be talking.

Apparently I may say that a little too often…

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Male Student: I have a good thing.
Me: Okay. What is it?
Male Student: [Female Student], I have a serious question to ask you.
<Very Awkward Pause>
Male Student: Would you go out with me?
<More Very Awkward Silence>

Moving on…
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Student 1: Did you find any dead animals this weekend?
Student 2: No, but I did find a random man sleeping underneath my house.

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Ms. Hagan, every time I see math, I think of you. Awwwwww… #thatspresh

Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say

iksigma

Friday 31st of October 2014

the time springs from three different places the before the after and the present

maybe in the future it will spring from four different places although that will have to do with a basic property of the being

yes things are fast but are they the same?

that's why we need three points two differences (a second derivative otherwise spoken)

and that's all we need we care less after that

is that the same sameness??

Thursday 23rd of October 2014

the americans are first and foremost a merchandizing society (not the first ones, of course) so the first thing to encounter is merchant

which brings me to question: why is this sharpener thing on display? I know the Russian dates come out of nowhere but this?

is it out of courtesy or friendship so called?

I think you are paid well enough and this is no more than insignificant I can presume

or is it the bargain instinct?

I think what causes this is the forceful marketing of the opposite side

In an case I m putting this down as a negative of this site

because americans are unable to do deep thinking they devise thought experiments that is moving on the space (which is a little less than science fiction)

but the immovable is the most difficult