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Things Teenagers Say: Volume 46

It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long since my last volume of Things Teenagers Say.  I guess that means my kids have been VERY chatty lately!

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Student 1: I don’t go to church, but Jesus is my uncle.
Student 2: If you did got to church, you would know that Jesus is your father – not your uncle!

Student: I read your last things teenagers say post, and I was responsible for 7 of them.  I counted.
Me: What does that say about you?
Student: It says I’m your favorite student, and you’re not going to have a blog once I graduate.

George Strait is how I asked my girlfriend to prom.

Let’s build a bridge for the river that we cry.

I’m progressively becoming friends with more and more underclassmen.  I don’t like it.

You dented my cup!

If my mom says “K” to me one more time…

You need to come hang out with us one night.  You’ll laugh so much, you’ll have abs!

I don’t know how to tweet on tweeter.

I didn’t want you to get kicked out of class.  That’s why I punched you.

Can I go to lunch early because I have to go pick up a shotgun later?

Sit down and talk to me about Law and Order SVU.

I don’t like this whole single key business without a keychain.

You know, breathing isn’t actually that fun.

Every decision we make puts us into another universe.

Let me write that down on my non-existent data sheet.

Me: Statistics is the study of data.
Student: I know all about data.  I have unlimited.

Did you know that even if you’re trash you can still do things?  It’s called a trash CAN, not a trash CANNOT.

Student: Why didn’t I get named after my father?  I’m jealous!
Me: My mom was named after her mother.
Student: Was she from England?
Me: No.

Isn’t one day on the moon the same as five days on earth?

If your phone falls on your face, then you have it coming.

I’m not a tomato.  I don’t bruise easily.

Student: What type of music do you listen to?
Me: Christian music.
Student: You go to church?
Me: Yes.
Student: I used to, but I got kicked out.

She’ll probably break up with you if you lose her pencil.

These kids made crossbows out of pencils, and one of them shot me!  It was…AMAZING.

Me: Please don’t tell me that you are talking about disposing of bodies.
Student: I’m talking about cannibals.  He’s talking about disposing of a body.

Zero isn’t a number just like Pluto isn’t a planet.

I’m a lot of people’s spirit animal.

Me: Is anyone in here a Gemini?  It’s a horoscope sign.
Student: Oh, you mean those things like scorpio and squirrel?

I’m about to orangutan you.

Santa Claus can fit down a chimney, so that means an astronaut can, too!

Does “shrimp” have two syllables?

I only opened my mouth once saying “elephant,” but it has more than one syllable.

I can’t syllable.

Let me just get the polar bear out of my garage.

In kindergarten, I was a failure.

Student 1: I made the best hand turkeys in kindergarten.
Student 2: No, I made the best hand turkeys in kindergarten.  My turkeys were…SMASH!

Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say


Tuesday 28th of March 2017

That one student has skillfully detected how English has unusually long syllables! In some languages you couldn't get all the consonants into "shrimp" without three syllables.