Things Teenagers Say: Volume 46

It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long since my last volume of Things Teenagers Say. I guess that means my kids have been VERY chatty lately!

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Student 1: I don’t go to church, but Jesus is my uncle.
Student 2: If you did got to church, you would know that Jesus is your father – not your uncle!

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Student: I read your last things teenagers say post, and I was responsible for 7 of them. I counted.
Me: What does that say about you?
Student: It says I’m your favorite student, and you’re not going to have a blog once I graduate.

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George Strait is how I asked my girlfriend to prom.

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Let’s build a bridge for the river that we cry.

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I’m progressively becoming friends with more and more underclassmen. I don’t like it.

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You dented my cup!

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If my mom says “K” to me one more time…

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You need to come hang out with us one night. You’ll laugh so much, you’ll have abs!

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I don’t know how to tweet on tweeter.

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I didn’t want you to get kicked out of class. That’s why I punched you.

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Can I go to lunch early because I have to go pick up a shotgun later?

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Sit down and talk to me about Law and Order SVU.

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I don’t like this whole single key business without a keychain.

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You know, breathing isn’t actually that fun.

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Every decision we make puts us into another universe.

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Let me write that down on my non-existent data sheet.

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Me: Statistics is the study of data.
Student: I know all about data. I have unlimited.

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Did you know that even if you’re trash you can still do things? It’s called a trash CAN, not a trash CANNOT.

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Student: Why didn’t I get named after my father? I’m jealous!
Me: My mom was named after her mother.
Student: Was she from England?
Me: No.

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Isn’t one day on the moon the same as five days on earth?

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If your phone falls on your face, then you have it coming.

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I’m not a tomato. I don’t bruise easily.

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Student: What type of music do you listen to?
Me: Christian music.
Student: You go to church?
Me: Yes.
Student: I used to, but I got kicked out.

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She’ll probably break up with you if you lose her pencil.

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These kids made crossbows out of pencils, and one of them shot me! It was…AMAZING.

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Me: Please don’t tell me that you are talking about disposing of bodies.
Student: I’m talking about cannibals. He’s talking about disposing of a body.

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Zero isn’t a number just like Pluto isn’t a planet.

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I’m a lot of people’s spirit animal.

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Me: Is anyone in here a Gemini? It’s a horoscope sign.
Student: Oh, you mean those things like scorpio and squirrel?

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I’m about to orangutan you.

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Santa Claus can fit down a chimney, so that means an astronaut can, too!

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Does “shrimp” have two syllables?

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I only opened my mouth once saying “elephant,” but it has more than one syllable.

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I can’t syllable.

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Let me just get the polar bear out of my garage.

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In kindergarten, I was a failure.

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Student 1: I made the best hand turkeys in kindergarten.
Student 2: No, I made the best hand turkeys in kindergarten. My turkeys were…SMASH!

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Recent Volumes of Things Teenagers Say